So many thoughts run through my head. I don't take the word Love for granted anymore.
The corny saying that says I finally realize why it didn't work with anyone because I met you rings true for me.
I have loved. I was married. I am divorced. It changes things. Always and forever didn't turn out to be always and forever. I grew up watching fairy tales living in a family of divorce. I vowed to be different and said that would never be me. Once it happened to me I thought about it differently though. I had been looking at it all wrong. Instead of focusing on being the one that would be different and rushing to meet the timeline I had in my head I made mistakes. My story was filled with I love you. Always and forever. We were very different people. We fought constantly. We didn't respect each other. We tried to hurt each other. We didn't communicate. We didn't have the same values or goals in life. It took me a few relationships after my separation to finally figure out my repeat mistakes and that I need to find someone made for me not someone that I have to make excuses for or compromise/change my views to make them happy.
I look at relationships differently now. I threw away my timeline. I am taking it slow. My divorce is final. I have my maiden name back. It is my second chance at life. I plan to do it right this time.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
As I look back on my posts I cannot decide to delete the whole blog and start over or keep it. It's been over a year and my life is totally different.
I come from a family of divorce and I always said I wanted to be different. I was going to be different. I can now look back at my family and at the amazing people they are and if they had problems and are not perfect I cannot admit I am not perfect as well. April 13th my divorce will be final. I don't regret my past with my ex but I can look back and do things differently the next time. I have had a few relationships since my ex and I find myself making the same stupid decisions and falling for the same assholes. Finally accepting singleness and working on myself and deciding what things I will do differently I found someone and I am happy.