So many thoughts run through my head. I don't take the word Love for granted anymore.

The corny saying that says I finally realize why it didn't work with anyone because I met you rings true for me.

I have loved. I was married. I am divorced. It changes things. Always and forever didn't turn out to be always and forever. I grew up watching fairy tales living in a family of divorce. I vowed to be different and said that would never be me. Once it happened to me I thought about it differently though. I had been looking at it all wrong. Instead of focusing on being the one that would be different and rushing to meet the timeline I had in my head I made mistakes. My story was filled with I love you. Always and forever. We were very different people. We fought constantly. We didn't respect each other. We tried to hurt each other. We didn't communicate. We didn't have the same values or goals in life. It took me a few relationships after my separation to finally figure out my repeat mistakes and that I need to find someone made for me not someone that I have to make excuses for or compromise/change my views to make them happy.

I look at relationships differently now. I threw away my timeline. I am taking it slow. My divorce is final. I have my maiden name back. It is my second chance at life. I plan to do it right this time.

As I look back on my posts I cannot decide to delete the whole blog and start over or keep it. It's been over a year and my life is totally different.

I come from a family of divorce and I always said I wanted to be different. I was going to be different. I can now look back at my family and at the amazing people they are and if they had problems and are not perfect I cannot admit I am not perfect as well. April 13th my divorce will be final. I don't regret my past with my ex but I can look back and do things differently the next time. I have had a few relationships since my ex and I find myself making the same stupid decisions and falling for the same assholes. Finally accepting singleness and working on myself and deciding what things I will do differently I found someone and I am happy.

My personal trainer is trying to kill me...

This is my before picture....After will be posted after Halloween!
So session 2 of personal training did not go like the first session. After my first session the next day I was sore and the second day I was walking like the bride of frankenstein. I even went to the pool to help stretch out. Working out the second day definitely helped me loosen up.

I weigh in weekly at the gym and I've already lost 2 lbs and 1% body fat! Woo!

My trainer joked that I signed a paper saying if she killed me she wouldn't be responsible...well last night that almost happened. I have asthma. I hate hate hate running on the treadmill. Well treadmill + chest presses + asthma = me almost dying because I didn't have my inhaler with me.

A new me

For many years I have had ideas in my head. I have always wanted a tattoo and I have always wanted to get my nose pierced. I found a recommendation for a great place and I had planned to go and get my nose pierced. While we were there I decided to "talk" about what I wanted for my tattoo. He drew it up and said depending on me he could do it in 30 minutes. I looked at my husband who immediately began to freak out. Even though I have been talking about this for years I think he thought I would never get it done. He gave me a look the entire time but he did hold my hand. Getting my nose pierced was scary because they made me sit up and the needle was BIG. I closed my eyes.

The tattoo felt like a bee sting if the bee kept stinging you and had a needle for a stinger. It hurt but I didn't cry. I did say a few choice words occasionally. Faith is the one thing that continues to get me through everything. The butterfly is for my mama. She is my hero. The colors have been my favorite colors since I was little. I am not a pink or purple girl.

My sister in law asked if I was having a quarter life crisis. I said no and I believe that. I feel that 25 is a year for making decisions. I'm working on my 101 in 1001 days list, I am going to school full time, I am reaching my goals.

I think one of the changes I have been wanting to make for awhile is my weight. I want to be who I was years ago when I went to the gym and ate healthy. I have a new slogan or whatever you want to call it...Hot for Halloween. My husband and I joined a gym. It has a few locations that are very easy for us to get to. I pass one on my way home from work and my husband has one near his work too. I laid down cash for a personal trainer. 12 weeks 2 x a week for an hour and hopefully this will let me reach my goal of 50 lbs by Halloween. Woo go me.

Purex 3 in 1 laundry sheet

I signed up for a free sample not to long ago on Deal Wise Mommy through a link she posted. Everyone should follow her blog. This is my second free sample I have gotten so far and she has great giveaways.

I used the laundry sheet last night to wash our sheets and duvet. Toss in the sheet and go. The sheets came out smelling clean and they were definitely less wrinkled than when I use my other laundry detergent. Two thumbs up from me!

No fear

I was told that my 3 year old took her ducky and threw it into the water and jumped in after it...into the deep end...without her life jacket on. The kid has no fear. There is a similar story told by my grandpa. My mom dove into the pool and my little 18 month old self decided I wanted to go in with her. My grandpa pulled me out and I was smiling.

As kids we want a cookie we go for the cookie. As adults we want a cookie, we debate if we need the cookie, if we can afford the cookie, who has the cookie for the best price, the best way to get the cookie, the best way to eat the cookie, and the best thing to eat/drink with our cookie. I often get caught up in over planning everything. I always have a to do list. I LOVE checking stuff off my to do lists. I even went out and bought a white board so I could put stuff on it for my husband and I to get stuff done around the house.

You can plan when to get married and all the little details, you can plan on when to buy a house, you can even plan when to start trying for a baby but you cannot plan when to get pregnant. That is unless you are one of those that is brimming with fertility and you look at your husband and you are instantly knocked up.

I'm trying to be more laid back and not over plan. Jon's mom came and I didn't plan a single thing beforehand. I did wake up and get out my day trip guide and plan for the day but I am making progress. This weekend was our first weekend free in forever so I made no plans. Saturday I actually slept in. I had to stay up till 3 am to get myself to sleep in but still. I stayed in pj's all day and we watched movies, I edited pictures, I procrastinated on my homework, I made dinner and dessert, and did not plan or do one thing on my to do list. ::pats self on back::

Sunday I worked my butt off on only 3 hours sleep. I finally stopped when Jon told me dinner was ready. I then worked on putting that stupid spare bedroom together until 12ish.

Have you ever had something on your mind and then you go to church and the pastor does a whole sermon on it? That happened to me this weekend. I have been throwing around some thoughts in my head and with Jon and BAM. I almost didn't even go to church because I only had 3 hours of sleep. Ok God I get it...I heard you. :-)

long time no blog

I have gotten out of I practice with blogging every day. This week has been crazy busy.



I have been checking things off my 101 in 1001 days list like crazy this past week. I have a major update to do later tonight.

Looking at my ten things Tuesday I need to get moving on some of the things on the list.

I puffy heart love my new camera. It is part of the reason I have been such a slacker this week. I have taken pics of the kids and everything else around me and I have been editing in photoshop.